Monday, March 5, 2012

On Fearless

Every year, since 2006 consciously and before that subconsciously, I have chosen one word to focus on for the year.
With the choosing of the word, whether I choose it or it chooses me, I always enter into the year thinking I know exactly what area of my life the word will be focused on.

And every single year I'm shocked.
Sometimes to the point of my jaw hanging open with a whispered-squeaked "oh" escaping, kind of shocked.
Two full months in, and this year is no exception.

Fearless chose me.
I thought I had an idea of what it was about.
However, with the January prompts from this class,
things became a little more clear.
A little more focused.

Then February rolled in. 
And then the unexpected shock.
But this shock was different.
This was one of those shocks that come out of nowhere and loom over you, almost menacingly, because It knows and You know that you are going to have to make a decision.
The kind of shock that drops your standing form down into the chair, whether there's a chair behind you or not, and the only thought you can form for several minutes is, "Oh, shit." because your brain has frozen and any form of higher thinking has shut down.
Yeah, that kind of shock.

I suppose I should have known, with a word like Fearless.
I should have known that I would be put into a position where I would have to choose to stay in my warm and safe, unchallenged haven or stand tall, with arms flung wide and bare my heart and soul, stripped of all the defending armour I have built up around me over the years.
I should have known a word like Fearless would challenge me like that.

With that challenge the possibility of a new path has emerged.
A new path that may be just a short jaunt leading right back to my current path, but with a few answers to old questions, or a new path that could take years to travel.
A new path with more situations, most likely, in which I will need to be Fearless.
But, it also holds a possibility, albeit a small possibility, of a joy I have long wished for.


Dawn said...

A new path...where things are unknown but one is holding on to a challenge. I hope/wish I can embrace it as you write it.
Fearless. I will embrace it with you.

Jillayne said...

Then you will be Fearless and embrace it - take the opportunity that may lead you where you want to go even if you aren't sure it will.. I love this Alis and wish you all good things for your journey.

Julia said...

What a brave and beautiful post. Your word is very good, your courage is inspiring.

Lorrie said...

I love your words. Fearless is not a word to consider lightly. Wishing you joy along the journey.

Holly Moore said...

Well wishes and blessing of strength and courage on your possible new path. You can do it! Your blog is lovely. Thanks for sharing.

kandeland said...

Fearless it is then! You can forge ahead and go down that path...that word chose you for a reason.
best to you where the path takes you, xo

Photocat said...

You might have jinxed it... But then as you say, it might bring joy. And trying to be fearless has many ways to growth. Not always a comfort, but still. Love the pages you made with this word. The pages look quiet and thoughtful, just like the words you wrote down. You are on your way!

Robin Thomas said...


Now my word is "curious."

Suz said...

Good for you. I am with Robin!

Dorthe said...

Dear Alisa,
I wish you all the best on your new journey and new path, and am sure it will bring you joy, as you was the one to choose.
"travel" safe and happy.
P.S. your journal is gorgeous!

Andrea said...

I just discovered your blog and it is just beautiful! I especially love your words on fearless. Isn't it amazing how we "think" we know where the ship is going and suddenly the wind shifts and we are off what we thought was our course? I love it. In that scary-roller-coasters-are-fun kind of way! Look forward to browsing more. Your photography is beautiful!